Updated: May 5, 2021
Dating! The nerve of my single adulthood. I'm in my glowing 40s, have a decent career, and 8 year old son. It seems like the dating pool is already slim to none (No rhyming intended). However, I want to find my Mr. Right! Isn't it about that time? Ladies, May I Vent! I'm in my Mid 40s and divorced. I been divorced for 4 years now and I think it's time that I get back out there to find love again. I want someone that I can put my feet in between when I'm cold, to be a positive figure to my autistic son, and to love unconditionally. But, it's hard! I always think what if I can't find someone that can adapt to my son's needs, that understands our autistic home, or what if someone harms him. I can't help to think those things because this is the world we live in. These are real concerns we asks ourselves when having children in general. As an autistic community, we know the trials and tribulations autism can bring. We know the messy, the loud, the tantrums, and the restless nights... We know the frustration, the tears, the screaming, and lets be honest certain burdens... However, as parents and loved ones, we also know we have to wait for the laughter, the joy, the triumphs, and we expect the small wins. But, is someone willing to take on that journey with you. I know there are people that will, I just hope to come across one. I would love to take up on the offers of movie dates, city nights out, or even a quiet evening at home. Even finding a sitter can be hard. People don't want to take on the responsibilities of caring for an autistic child. It's sad to say. I lack family support, so a babysitter comes rare. My question to you is how can I find my Mr. Right while still being a good mom to my son? - Amanda M. Tampa, FL
You deserve love, we all deserve love and there is nothing wrong with trying to find it. Being a divorced mom to an autistic son isn't a bad thing. However, it is challenging. Lets call it how it is. But, first congrats on taking a scary step back into the dating field. Our children comes first, so the goal is finding someone that's going to be that positive figure that you mentioned.
4 "IMPORTANT" factors we have to ask ourselves:
1) Is this person good for my child(ren)?
2) Does this person show healthy love and communication?
3) Can that person take on the journey of autism and all that it comes with?
4) Are they willing to be that support system? Ex: Mentally, Physically, Emotionally...
Sometimes we get caught up into the world of Autism that we forget our own reality. However, time to time we need a break and good company. Sometimes, we can't just get up and go like others may be able to. In my opinion, I would date casually until you find someone to take serious. If marriage is your end goal, I would state that in the "getting to know each other" phase. When you find a trust-worthy babysitter, put yourself out there, get dolled up, and go out and just have a good time! Don't expect to find someone that very night. It's all about stepping out into your confidence. You can go to places that you enjoy, or try doing a hobby. Or even try something that you always wanted to do! I heard Sip N Paint's are always a GREAT TIME! (Groupon has tons of great ideas/deals). There, you may come across someone that has something in common with you. A nice ICE BREAKER I might add. Always mention the fact that you have a son and that he's autistic. Some people know about autism and some may not. However, it's important to mention and/or educate. Don't be afraid to really ask important questions. Remember, this is just the dating stages with hopes of marriage. I would spend time and truly get to know that person before bringing them around your child and just simply lay it all out there. What If that person responds negatively or not in a way you would like? Then you make the decision to introduce your son or not. Meanwhile, only time will tell. Amanda, It's okay to be scared or cautious when it comes to dating with an autistic son. That's the life of Autistic parenting!
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